Going Long
by Novelist Pup
Summary: [AU] What happens when local emo kid Sasuke gets tackled by star football player Suigetsu? He breaks his arm, that's what. And now Suigetsu's sticking with him for quite a while. [SuiSasu, CRACK]
1. Bad Landing

**Going Long**

Why?

Because SuiSasu deserves more love than it gets.

You know its true love when you get a finger gun held to your head by a large naked male.

**Disclaimer: Not Mine.**

_First:_ Bad Landing

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**Jocks Make My Bleeding Heart Bleed Blacker Than Before by Uchiha Sasuke**

_As I cut my left wrist at a thirty-degree angle with my mom's safety blade _

_I feel ever so dead inside_

_My bleeding black heart feels so sad and dark and even more so decayed _

_And I can't let it subside _

_The footballs fly outside my darkly tinted bedroom window _

_And I can't stop the pain _

_And I look outside to see my devastating heart blow _

_Since there isn't any rain _

_And the jocks laugh and frolic and play _

_Why won't the sun stop the shine? _

_Man they look so fucking gay _

_Just like this rhyme _

"Sasuke, I'm sorry to say this, but as your English teacher, this is the worst shitty poetry I've ever seen!"

Uchiha Sasuke just flipped his bangs out of his dark shadow applied eyes and scoffed. "Whatever."

Iruka rubbed his temples and bit his bottom lip. "Look Sasuke, I _know_ you're going through this 'emo' phase or whatever they are calling it, but you shouldn't allow it to affect the quality of your schoolwork, do you understand?"

Sasuke glared at him. "How _dare_ you ask if I understand when YOU don't even understand me! Nobody understands me!" And he stalked out the classroom, rubbing at his runny mascara. Iruka watched him go with a face that screamed "what the hell?"

Sasuke sniffled slightly as he gripped at his ragged black backpack and flipped his bangs away from his eyes again. He stomped right up to his best friend and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Hey Sasuke, what's up?" Uzumaki Naruto asked as Sasuke leaned his body against him, circling his arms around the blond teenager's neck.

"Am I still pretty?" Sasuke mumbled from where his face was on Naruto's neck. His friend frowned.

"Of course you're still pretty! Who said you weren't?" Naruto demanded. Sasuke blew his bangs away from his face again.

"Mr. Iruka said that my poetry was shitty and said that I was going through an overly emotional phase…" he muttered. Naruto smiled at his best friend and held him by his pale, eyeliner smeared cheeks.

"You _know_ you will always be pretty to me and your poetry is the best I ever read in my _life_!" he reassured. Sasuke smiled slightly.

"You always know what to say to me Naruto," he said. Naruto smiled back at him and they stayed like that for moment until someone pushed Sasuke against Naruto's torso.

"Fags! Go get a room!" a tall white-haired football player sneered. Sasuke got up and flipped them the finger. The rest of the jocks chuckled and walked off. Naruto brushed himself off and looked at Sasuke in concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Sasuke nodded and brushed his bangs out his eyes once more.

Naruto sighed. "Well, I'm going to the art room. Wanna come so we can compare our pictures of darkness and suffering?"

Sasuke smirked. "You _know_ I can't paint worth shit."

The blond smiled brightly. "Yeah, but for you, all you have to do is color the canvas black!"

"Well, I'll paint with you if you write some poetry with me tomorrow, okay?" Sasuke said. Naruto gave him a thumb up.

"Count me in!"

**_----------GOING-LONG----------_**

The painting session had taken a bit longer than the two suspected. So, when Sasuke set out to go home, it was late in the afternoon. As he walked past the football field, he sneered at the football players who ran around, throwing and catching balls.

"_GO LONG, SUIGETSU!_"

Sasuke snapped out of his absolute hatred for jocks.

"Huh?"

The large white-haired football player was soaring towards him, seemingly flying toward the ball that was headed straight towards Sasuke. The emo brunet felt his panic levels reach ultimate high as this 'Suigetsu' began to descend in slow motion over Sasuke.

"OOF!"

A sickening crack was heard as the jock landed directly on Sasuke. The black-haired teenager didn't move as the football player slowly got off of him.

"Sorry about that. need some help there?" he offered holding out his hand. Sasuke didn't respond.

"Hey man, I asked if you needed any help," Suigetsu repeated. Sasuke didn't move.

"Dude, I think you killed him." A fellow football player whispered in awe.

Suigetsu's eyes widened.

"Oh _shit_."

**Is Sasuke **_**really**_** dead? Is Suigetsu going to go to jail for murder? Will Iruka **_**ever**_** understand? The answers for all of these questions are most likely no, but learn the REAL answer in the next chapter!**

**END FIRST**

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Lol, writing stereotypes is super-fun. 


	2. You Can't Be Emo!

**Going Long**

He's an emo kid, nonconforming as can be, you wish your arm had gotten broken like it did to he!

Lol, I'm sick if you didn't notice.

And being sick entitles me to write fanfiction and listen to Korean rap, yo.

_Second:_ You Can't Be Emo!

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**Dear Emo Kid Dude Gay Guy, **

**I don't exactly know your name, so I couldn't exactly call you anything else. Uh, well, I want you to know that I'm **_**really**_** sorry about the whole falling on you incident, and I hope you find it in your heart not to sic your gay artist fag boyfriend person dude on me. I can't afford to get my jersey messed up, you should understand. **

**Or not, since I guess he paints on you everyday. But this is just an observation from all the make-up that you wear. **

**But seriously, I'd hate to have to beat the shit out of your friend. I'm also kinda allergic to fag, you see. So, um, I hope you accept my apology. **

_**Sincerely, Your Local Lovable Football Star, **_

_**Hozuki Suigetsu**_

"Mister Hozuki, about the patient you brought in," Suigetsu looked up from the letter he was writing and frowned.

"He'll be okay, right? 'Cuz I'm really sorry about landing on him."

The doctor nodded. "Oh, he'll be fine. His left arm has been broken in about eighteen different parts, but they _should_ heal up okay."

"That's totally bitchin'! Can I go see him?" Suigetsu asked excitedly. The doctor chuckled and patted the football player on the head.

"Sure you can! Just go to room 666 and you'll find him."

The jock grabbed his and the emo kid's backpack and walked down the hall, waving. "Thanks Doc'!"

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

He walked down the incredibly long and white hallway, carefully looking at the numbers on the doors.

"663…664…665…666… Alright!" Suigetsu turned the knob and looked through the doorway to see the emo kid lying in the bed with a cast completely enveloping his left arm. Suigetsu stepped inside with a grin, only for the emo kid to glare heatedly at him.

"What the hell do _you_ want?!" he snarled. The white-haired teenager raised a hand in a show of surrender.

"I came to see if you were okay, since I kind of fell on you and stuff." Suigetsu explained. The emo kid scoffed.

"You call _that_ a fall? You fucking **tackled** me to the ground!" he yelled. Suigetsu bashfully looked down at the ground and fiddled with the backpack in his hand.

"I brought you your backpack, if that matters…" he said shyly.

Emo Kid sneered. "Amazing, now give me my backpack, you brainless _moron_!"

Suigetsu narrowed his eyes. "Look dude, I'm just trying to be nice. You could do me a favor and quit snapping at me, okay? I'm sorry!"

"Sorry? _Sorry?_ You're getting angry at ME when you are the entire reason that I am here and you're snapping sorry like you don't want to?! Get the fuck out!" Emo Kid shrieked, grabbing the bed pan and throwing it at Suigetsu angrily. The jock dodged it and opened his mouth to say something, but Emo Kid kept tossing whatever was in his reach at him.

"Hey—" Suigetsu started, but was hit squarely in the jaw with a thick book. He rubbed his jaw, flexing it and exposing his razor-sharp teeth.

"Why the hell won't you get out?!" Emo Kid screamed, picking up the metal pole that held his IV cord and bag. Suigetsu quickly grabbed the pole and put it back, holding a finger to his lips frantically.

"Look, they're going to think I _raped_ you or something, so could'ja keep it _down_?!" he whispered fiercely. A gleam came into Emo Kid's eyes and he took a big breath.

"_RA-_" Suigetsu practically slammed his hand over the black-haired teen's mouth.

"You are _way_ too loud to be emo, dude!" he snapped. Emo Kid rolled his eyes as Suigetsu removed his hand.

"That's because I can't write out my emotions! I want my fucking composition book, you jock! It's in my backpack, make some use of yourself and get it." Suigetsu growled and muttered under his breath as he got the required book. Handing it to the Emo Kid, he grabbed a plastic chair and sat on it.

"I'm Hozuki Suigetsu, who're you?" Suigetsu asked as he held out his hand. Emo Kid was too busy hugging his notebook to his chest to answer so he retracted his hand.

Emo Kid stopped snuggling his notebook. "Get me a pen," He demanded. Suigetsu rolled his eyes and reached into the backpack again, returning with a pen for Emo Kid. The overly-emotional emo took the pen and began writing furiously.

Suigetsu coughed into his fist. "Uh, what's your name?"

He was ignored.

So he tried again. "Um, how do you get your hair to spike like that at the end? It's fuckin' awesome, like a duck's butt or something. Is it like some secret emo technique?"

No response.

And he tried one more time. "I wrote you a letter…"

Emo Kid looked up. "A letter you say?"

Suigetsu grinned. Score!

"Yup, a letter!" he reached into his jacket and pulled out a folded up sheet of paper. Emo Kid looked curiously as Suigetsu gave him the letter.

"Well, I've never gotten a letter before…" he mused aloud. Unfolding the paper, Emo Kid began to read. Suigetsu sat still, waiting for him to finish reading the heartfelt letter.

Emo Kid's face twisted and turned until the expression was pretty easy to recognize.

Absolutely livid.

"_GET THE FUCK OUT!_" Emo Kid screamed, throwing his pillow at the now scurrying Suigetsu.

"You're violent for having only one arm for use!" Suigetsu said as he dodged all the things that came his way.

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!_" the dark teenager snarled, throwing a digital clock at him.

"I'm sorry?" the jock attempted to assure as he stood at the doorframe. Emo Kid's pale face wasn't even red, surprisingly enough.

"_MY NAME IS SASUKE, YOU JERK!_" Emo Kid shrieked. Suigetsu looked panicked and slammed the door. Something really hard thumped against said door loudly and the white-haired teen held a hand over his chest as he waited for his heart rate to go back to normal.

He sighed.

"That could've gone better."

**Is Suigetsu ever going to learn that calling someone gay isn't the best idea? What will Naruto do in retaliation once he realizes what happened to Sasuke? Who will be Emo Kid's savior from the hospital?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME!**

**END SECOND**

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By the way, in case no one could figure it out, Naruto's a semi-emo artist.

He's semi because he wears orange.


	3. Meet the Doctor  And the Nurse

**Going Long**

I love writing this.

I don't know why, though.

Oh, fullofmisery, look at what you made me do. I updated, and it's all your fault.

Tsk, tsk. Shame on you.

_Third:_ Meet the Doctor. And the Nurse.

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**Broken Arms and Jocks Suck. Totally. By Uchiha Sasuke**

_You know what really sucks? _

_It starts with a 'B' _

_It sucks so fucking much _

_I think I really hate thee _

_Yes it is a broken arm _

_Dumbass, couldn't you tell? _

_Broken by unneeded harm _

_That jock can GO TO HELL _

_Oh my GOD I hate this place _

_Why can't I die yet? _

_It's like a smack in the face _

_All God's fault, I bet _

_You suck, you stupid jock _

_I hope you choke on a dick _

_You and your team suck cock _

_And you are such a prick_

"Straight from the heart…" Naruto said once Sasuke finished reading his latest poem aloud. He wiped a wayward tear from his eye, sniffling in the process.

Sasuke sighed. "Oh Naruto, what am I going to do?" he tried to stab at the cast with his pen. "I'm practically crippled, I can't release my pain in the way I'd like to, and this jock keeps coming to 'say sorry'."

Naruto smiled brightly. "Not to worry, Sasuke. All you have to do is give me his name and I'll make his muscle-bound life a living hell!"

"Naruto, have I mentioned how much I love you?" Sasuke asked sweetly.

Naruto chuckled. "Yeah, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again."

"Well then, I love you. And I'd love you even more if you'd somehow take care of that oafish moronic jock," Sasuke persuaded. Naruto smirked.

"Leave it to me! That jock won't know what hit him!" Naruto exclaimed, but then thought about it. "Well, he'll know it was orange and sexy, so he'd automatically assume it to be me, but I'll take care of that later."

Sasuke nodded darkly. "Do what you must."

And then the doctor came in, a small feminine man with long brown hair and an intensely creepy smile.

The doctor smiled at Sasuke. "Hello Sasuke. How are you?"

Sasuke glared. "Fuck you, how do I look to _you_?" he snapped.

The doctor didn't stop smiling. "Well, I'm Doctor Haku. And this is my nurse, Zabuza Momochi." He motioned towards the large, looming, muscular man that entered the room, wearing a surgical mask and cracking his knuckles. Sasuke wondered where the hell they found a male nurse uniform that big.

Nurse Zabuza grunted. "Is this the patient?"

Doctor Haku nodded. "Yes it is, but there's no need to hold him down," his smile widened. "Yet. Now, Sasuke, I have some bad news and some good news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Sasuke thought long and hard, and then looked at Naruto. "Naruto, the canvas."

The blond teenager nodded solemnly and reached into his backpack, pulling out a fair-size canvas board, a few small bottles of paint, and a paintbrush.

Doctor Haku cocked an eyebrow. "What exactly is this for?"

"I'm displaying Sasuke's emotions, since he won't be showing too many at the moment." Naruto explained, situating the canvas on his lap and facing the two medical professionals. Doctor Haku nodded in understanding.

"Well then, I suppose I'll start with the bad news," he said and turned to a page on his clipboard. "Sasuke, your arm has been broken in about twenty completely different places, so that cast isn't coming off anytime soon."

Naruto's paintbrush moved in quick sweeps, covering the board in a deep black. Doctor Haku looked at the canvas and chuckled.

"I suppose you aren't too happy with this, correct?" the doctor assumed. "How about some good news for your broken angst-filled soul?"

Sasuke blinked once and Naruto immediately added dots of yellow to the halfway black canvas. Doctor Haku smiled.

"Since it was realized that the arm broken was in fact your working arm, we felt it was proper to contact your school and find a volunteer to assist you," he began. "But, as though someone up there _really_ loved you, a fellow student from your school said that he'd do it, since he felt rather responsible."

He snapped his fingers. "Nurse, get the volunteer please." Nurse Zabuza grunted and walked out the room, the metal heels of his boots making eerie sounds through the linoleum hallway.

Naruto mixed a bit black with some white and twirled it around the canvas. The doctor looked curious.

"What does the gray signify?" he asked. Naruto shrugged.

"Sasuke's confused. He wants to know who you found to help him."

The doctor laughed and the sound of metal on the floor returned at an alarmingly fast pace. Nurse Zabuza stomped in, holding a white-haired teenager almost his size in his arms. The teenager squirmed and cursed, trying to escape from the buff nurse's arms.

Sasuke's jaw dropped and Doctor Haku smiled. "Sasuke, Hozuki Suigetsu shall be assisting you for the duration of you handicap, understood?"

Sasuke nodded.

Before completely exploding.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU _MEAN_ YOU'RE STICKING ME WITH THAT… THAT… _THING_ WHILE I'M ALMOST CRIPPLED!" he shrieked, almost lunging out of his bed. Almost, because Zabuza dropped Suigetsu unceremoniously to the ground and tackled him.

Naruto painted busily and Doctor Haku stood in front of him, watching the painting.

Sasuke struggled against the nurse's strong arms Suigetsu groaned as he tried to feel his arms again.

"Let me _GO_! If you don't, I'll tell my brother, and he'll get you! He'll get you _good_!" Sasuke screamed, hitting Nurse Zabuza's shoulder with his one good fist.

Suigetsu sniffed from the ground. "Can someone help me out here?"

Sasuke stopped hitting Nurse Zabuza and pointed at the white-haired jock shakily. "Shut the FUCK up!" he roared. "If it weren't for YOU, I wouldn't be here, damn it!"

"Well if YOU weren't on the football field while practice, NEITHER of us would be in here!" Suigetsu snapped back. Sasuke yelled something in response and both teenagers began a screaming match that drowned out the grunts of Nurse Zabuza and the chuckled of Doctor Haku.

Naruto laughed as well once he surveyed the scene. "Isn't this the beginning of a fabulous relationship?" he asked the doctor sarcastically.

Doctor Haku snickered. "Indeed it is. Is your painting complete?"

Naruto nodded, holding up the drying painting that was half black, half red, with dots of yellow and twirls of gray. "Yup! Isn't it awesome?"

"What is it called?"

Naruto bit his bottom lip before grinning brightly.

"I'll call it… '_EMO…tional._'"

**Will Sasuke and Suigetsu overcome their differences? Is Naruto jealous or does he have his own secret agenda? Would Zabuza look better in a female nurse uniform? The answers are probably no, but find out next chapter! **

**END THIRD**

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Like I said, writing this brightens up my day. Or night, since it's 11:30 PM, but that isn't the point.

And I'd be surprised if any of you remembered Haku and Zabuza. They're considered old-school nowadays, since everyone's fallen in love with the even KEWLER relationship of Pein and Konan.

I'm always for the classics, though. So, I guess I may be lame.


	4. Hello Stalker

**Going Long**

Lol, the poll on my profile said that people wanted this to be updated next, so I obliged.

See? VOTING COUNTS.

GO VOTE.

_Fourth_: Hello Stalker

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Sasuke was having a wonderful dream.

He dreamt that every jock in the world had died, his cast magically disappeared, and people actually understood emo kids.

He also dreamt that he and Naruto got married and had lots of children, but at that point it had become a nightmare. Sasuke feared having a more-than-friends relationship with Naruto, because then his penis would be removed forcibly by Naruto's own partner.

And then, he woke up. The reason? Some banshee mating call that screeched through his closed door.

Wait, never mind. It was just his mother.

"Sasuke!" his mom called. "Sasuke, get ready for school! There's a surprise for you down here!"

Sasuke didn't like surprises.

"Fuck you, mother, you don't understand me…" he muttered as he pulled a pair of ripped, tight-fitting dark jeans on and then put on a black shirt that read "**I CUT MY WRISTS 4 FOOD**". The shirt he struggled with for a while, due to the cast that was quickly becoming the bane of his life.

Running a comb over the main spikes in the back, Sasuke pulled out his makeup kit and prepared for an hour of concentrated fun, but that woman downstairs who gave birth to him began screaming again.

"Sasuke!" she yelled. "Get down here, _now_! I don't care if you haven't put on your makeup yet!"

Sasuke snarled and snapped the case closed, and then he grabbed his backpack and stalked downstairs from his room. His mother beamed at him from the dining room and waved him towards the kitchen.

Uchiha Mikoto clasped her hands together and looked back at her youngest son. "Oh Sasuke, I had no idea you had other friends than Naruto, Sakura, and Sai!" she cooed. "A nice young man came to the house about ten minutes ago, claiming to be your friend! He even said that he's here to help you with your everyday functions, because he feels responsible for your unfortunate injury!"

Sasuke stopped. "What'd you say?" he snarled. Last time he checked, Sai was NOT his friend. His mother just ignored him and pushed him into the kitchen.

"Oh, Suigetsu, here's my little boy!" she said, smiling brightly. The white-haired jock yawned and waved lazily at Sasuke.

Sasuke felt his eyes widen and he tried to run right back out, but Mikoto grabbed onto his shirt collar and dragged him back right before he could get anywhere.

"Now Sasuke, is that really the right way to treat a guest?" she scolded.

Sasuke struggled. "He's not a guest, he's a monster!"

Suigetsu shrugged. "Whatever. Can we leave now?"

Mikoto nodded. "Why certainly, but first let me talk to Sassy-bear for a moment."

Sasuke glared. "I thought I told you not to call me that, mother!" he growled. Mikoto just chuckled and patted his head.

"Great catch son," she whispered in his ear. Sasuke cocked an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about, you non-understanding woman?"

"I wish I could get them as well as you do… when I was your age, I was the most beautiful girl in the school! I could've gotten any guy I wanted…" Mikoto clenched her fists angrily. "But all I got was your _father_! And now look at me, thirty-nine with two kids, a jerk of a husband and no real job! Do you think floral arrangement is a _real_ job Sasuke? Do you?! I _hate_ it! I wanted a good job, like being a CEO or something, but nooo, that's a 'man's' job!"

Sasuke gulped. "Mother?" he squeaked.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie… Go on with your boyfriend!" Mikoto replied sweetly.

Sasuke almost sputtered and waggled his cast arm in indignation as Suigetsu grabbed his shoulders and led him forcibly towards the door.

"Thanks, Mrs. U!" Suigetsu shouted as they walked out. "I'll see you later!"

Mikoto waved. "Okay Suigetsu! Take care of my baby!"

As they walked down the perfectly trimmed walkway, Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Suigetsu. "How did you get my address anyway?" he snapped.

The white-haired teen grinned. "I've got my resources."

"Oh, I get it. You're a fucking stalker!"

"Uh, _no_. I'm not a stalker."

"Then explain how you got my address!"

"Number one, the fucking Uchiha estates. _Everyone_ knows where those are. Number two, the school fucking directory. _It knows where you sleep at night_."

"…"

Sasuke grumbled all the way to the old looking car the other teen led him to. Suigetsu unlocked the car doors and opened the passenger side for the dark-haired teen.

Sasuke glared at him. "I'm not a girl."

Suigetsu snickered. "Coulda fooled me."

The shorter boy bit back whatever comment he was going to make and instead moved towards the car door. Instead of getting in, like it looked like he was planning on doing, he slammed the car door shut. Ignoring the taller boy's squawk, he reopened the door and got in himself.

Suigetsu snorted as he got in the driver's seat. "Damn it, Sassy-bear! Don't damage my baby!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Don't call me 'Sassy-bear' and your '_baby'_ is kinda outdated. By, like, _ten_ years."

"Who cares if she's a little old, Sass-cakes?" Suigetsu teased. "She runs as smooth as _water_, and that's all that matters."

And then, the car sputtered as though it were dying.

The emo teenager sniffed in disdain and pulled out his makeup kit. He flipped down the mirror on the sunshield and looked into it as he applied the makeup with an almost mastered touch.

"I wonder how _your_ water runs then…" he muttered. Suigetsu purposely made the car jerk a bit, causing the lipstick in Sasuke's hands to smudge on half his face.

"Oops," he purred. "Looks like my car is _offended_! I don't think you're going to like my car when it's offended…"

Sasuke bit his bottom lip and wished both of his arms were still functioning so he could just _choke_ the white-haired bastard.

"I don't like your car _now_, you uncultured moron!" he settled on hissing. Suigetsu made an overly wide swerve at the turn he performed and grinned at the panicked look on Sasuke's face.

"Cripple McFaggyFag," he replied. "My car will never like you!"

Sasuke's one hand gripped the door handle as Suigetsu drove like a madman. "If you don't stop, I'll jump!" he threatened. Suigetsu made a "wheee" sound as the car screeched in a circle, dodging general traffic.

"So what? You suck at being crippled anyway!" he chirped. Sasuke screamed weakly as they almost went head on with an 18-wheeler.

"Why are the police not after us?!" Sasuke shrieked. Suigetsu smirked.

"They're used to it," and that's all he said.

Sasuke saw the school getting rapidly closer, but Suigetsu's speed limit wasn't slowing down anytime soon.

"You idiotic jock, do you not see the school coming quickly in view?" he yelled, using his good arm to grab onto the jock's shirt.

Suigetsu looked over the barrage of black hair that was in his face and grinned. "Hey, it's the school!" And he sped up.

Sasuke watched with wide eyes as they hit a speed bump… and flew.

Suigetsu cheered.

Sasuke screamed.

And the car landed in perfect parallel parking.

The white-haired jock grinned excitedly at Sasuke. "Wasn't that totally bitchin'?!"

Sasuke looked rather green, and practically ran out the car. Suigetsu frowned as the emo teenager tried to stumble across the school yard, but fell over on a bench. He walked over to the dark-haired teen and shook his shoulder.

"Yo, Sass-cakes, are you okay?" he asked. He grimly registered the blond and some other fag rushing towards them.

Naruto waved. "Hey Chopper, what's up?"

Suigetsu made a face like he smelled something really bad. "Fag," he greeted. And then he turned to the other queerosexual with the belly-shirt and nodded. "Fag Number Two."

Naruto huffed and hooked his arm with the other fag's. "We aren't gay! We're just testing our sexual boundaries. Isn't that right Sai?"

Sai nodded. "Besides, I'm the only one who can appreciate Naruto's lack of a real penis."

The blond waggled his eyebrows. "You weren't saying that last night."

"Can you fags cut it out and help me?" Suigetsu snapped. Naruto chuckled and walked over to Sasuke.

"Hey Sasuke, your brother just took off his shirt and fell into a crowd of horny girls!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke jumped up and looked around in panic.

"Big Brother, _don't do it_! You'll lose all your pubic hair again!" he wailed.

Naruto snickered under his breath and patted Suigetsu's shoulder. "He's all yours, cowboy."

The white-haired jock groaned.

"Great."

**Can Suigetsu really get away with that kind of vehicle handling? Who is Sasuke's brother? What's with Naruto's suspicious behavior? What the hell is a queerosexual?! These questions might be answered in the next chapter, so STAY TUNED!**

**END FOURTH**

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Gasp, drama, hoshit.

NaruSai is my true OTP. But everyone thinks I like SasuNaru more. (SasuNaru is kinda boring to me. You've read one, you've read them all. No offense to any SasuNaru writers out there reading this)

This chapter was not as good as the others because I got nearly run over yesterday and my mental functions are a little off.


	5. Juugo: Gentle Giant

**Going Long**

Because I like this story. A lot.

Queerosexual (queer-oh-sex-yuu-all): (n) A very faggy gay guy who wears gay shirts and talks about penises. (ex. "You have no penis." "What are you, queerosexual?")

_Fifth_: Juugo: Gentle Giant

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Suigetsu looked at Sasuke.

Sasuke glared at Suigetsu.

"So," the jock started. "This is your class, huh?"

Sasuke kicked the white-haired football player in the kneecap and stalked inside his classroom. Suigetsu fell to the ground and whimpered as the pain laced through his leg.

"You don't get the best luck with the ladies, do ya, yeah?" a fellow football player asked him in amusement.

The white-haired jock scowled. "You might wanna rethink calling _anybody_ a lady, Deidara," he replied.

Deidara looked stricken before entering the same classroom Sasuke did, but not before kicking Suigetsu in the stomach. The teen grumbled as he tried to get off the ground, but was knocked right back down by a book falling directly on his head.

"Sorry about that," said Mr. Akasuna, not looking very sorry about it. Suigetsu was offended. He was getting pwnt by teachers that looked like middle schoolers? Now _that_ was pathetic.

"You should be getting to class," Mr. Akasuna advised before shutting his classroom door. Five seconds later, the tardy bell rang.

Suigetsu looked at all the rapidly closing classrooms and got off the ground.

"Thanks," he said to the shut door.

_----------**GOING-LONG**----------_

Sasuke sat in his usual desk at the farthest and darkest corner of the classroom, adjusting his cast arm on the edge of the wooden surface. The World History teacher, Mr. Akasuna, soon came in, looking oddly delighted about something, but Sasuke honestly didn't care.

"All right class," the redhead man announced. "We'll be starting a new assignment today. Remember that time I told you that seemingly unimportant thing that everyone forgot?"

Most of the class shook their heads. They couldn't remember something that was unimportant and that they forgot.

Mr. Akasuna smirked. "Well, this assignment will be based off that seemingly unimportant and forgotten detail, because I like to revel in your idiocy."

Deidara raised his hand. "Why, yeah?"

"Because I can. Now, Neji will be passing out the assignment while I sit at my desk and look intimidating, which I am not."

And so, the small red-haired man sat at his desk while a tall brown-haired boy passed out sheets of paper to all the students.

Right before Sasuke received his paper, the door burst open and a…_thing_ burst through. A large, bulky thing with an angular face and wild golden-brown hair.

Sasuke was horrified as the _thing_ looked up and caught his black eyes with piercing golden ones, and then the _thing_ smiled.

"My apologies, teacher. I was just released from the hospital and my alarm clock didn't exactly meet my standards." The _thing_ explained.

"No problem, Juugo. Just, _knock_ next time." Mr. Akasuna said. Juugo nodded.

And he started walking down the first aisle of desks, _straight_ for Sasuke.

'_Oh…shit._' Sasuke began to panic. He didn't want this jock-looking guy to sit near him! That was like a lion sitting next to a rabbit, which was a doomed failure!

"Hey there," Juugo said as he plopped down in the seat next to Sasuke's. "My name's Juugo. What's yours?"

"…Tobi," Sasuke replied slowly.

Juugo smiled. "Awesome. I just got released from the hospital, and I'm kinda new here, so could you show me around?"

Sasuke glared at him and wriggled his heavily bandaged arm.

Juugo's smile dropped.

"Oh."

But then it returned in full force.

"No matter, I'll even _help_ you!"

'_Shit… shit… shit!'_ Sasuke smiled. And it was an obviously fake smile.

"No need for you to trouble yourself; I already have a helper. He's, uh, very… helpful?"

Juugo looked around. "Really? Is he here? I want to meet him!" the big teen looked much like a puppy.

A really, really, _really_ big puppy that could pull a Hulk on you on any moment, but a puppy all the same.

'_Shi-wait, _no_ shit_.'

Sasuke smirked.

"Oh yes, I'll be meeting up with him soon after class. _Join me_."

"Great!"

_----------**GOING-LONG**----------_

If there was one thing Suigetsu loved more than sports, it was soda.

Cherry, strawberry, purple haze, you name it, he loved it.

(Except for grape. He didn't know why, but grape soda had a bad habit of pissing him off.)

He inserted two quarters into the soda machine and waited with childish glee for his strawberry/cherry cola.

"Hey, jock!" Suigetsu heard as he reached down to get his soda. He looked up, and sure enough there was Sasuke, stalking over to him angrily like usual.

But he didn't recognize the jolly un-green giant behind his charge.

"Who's this freak?" he asked.

Sasuke smirked. "This is Juugo, he's in my World History class, and he was just released from the hospital, much like me."

The white-haired teen stared. "So?"

"So? So, this guy is quite possibly a much better wrestler than you are!"

Suigetsu cocked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" he challenged.

"Yeah. Hey Juugo, Suigetsu's got a soda for you!"

"Huh?" But it was too late, as the cold can had been snatched out his hand before he could truly react.

Juugo smiled. "Thanks man! Oh, and my favorite flavor too!"

Suigetsu was slack-jawed for a moment; unable to comprehend what the fuck just happened.

And then he tackled the giant.

"Give me back my soda, you jerk!" he roared. Sasuke snickered as a brief scuffle ensued, and Suigetsu got up with his hair messed up and his clothes wrinkled.

The football player sneered at the big teen and popped the cap open on his soda can.

And then, it exploded on his face.

All was silent in the courtyard of the school.

"Aw _shit_ man!" Suigetsu whined. "It's GRAPE flavored!"

Everybody, even the foreign janitor, laughed.

Sasuke patted Juugo's arm. "I think I like you," he said.

The giant teen grinned. "Really? I like you too, Tobi!"

Sasuke whistled lowly. "Oh yeah, _about_ that. My name isn't Tobi."

Juugo frowned. "But you said—"

"Yeah, I said that because you were freaking me the fuck out and I didn't want to associate with you. Sorry."

"Oh…well, what is your real name?"

"Sasuke."

"Oh, well that's cool then."

Suigetsu was indignant. "HEY! There is _grape soda_ in my _white _hair!"

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "And? What do you want us to do about it?"

The white-haired jock looked at him as though he were slow. "Are you _retarded_? I obviously need help getting it out!"

Sasuke smirked.

"Have fun with that, then."

**END FIFTH**

* * *

Argh, I've had a horrible headache for the past seventy-six hours, and I'm so drugged up right now.

So, I'm sorry if it isn't as funny as it should be.


	6. Uh Oh, the Bitch Brigade

**Going Long**

I'm not drugged anymore! YAY!

But, I am slightly on punishment, so I SACRIFICE for you guys. DOUBLE YAY!

I also dedicate this to Medicinal Biscuit and Niver, who always make me lol the most with their reviews. TRIPLE YAY…?

(For the record, I absolutely _love_ Suigetsu. And you know what they say… you hurt the ones you love. This must imply that I should stop hurting and abusing Sasuke, whom I hate more than carrot cake, so no one gets any ideas about me.)

_

* * *

Sixth:_ Uh Oh the Bitch Brigade! 

"What color is my hair now?"

"…Umm…A light fuchsia mixed in with silvery gray."

"…_Shit_. Okay, stay right there!"

And the shower started again. Juugo and Sasuke groaned as they heard the frantic scrubbing of a man with a mission. The boy with the cast looked at his gigantic companion.

"You do know that you don't have to be here, right?" he asked slowly, as though Juugo were retarded. Which Sasuke thought he was, for the record.

The golden-brown haired teen smiled. "I know, but I want to be here to keep you company. Doesn't that make you feel better?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but he did smile. "Go get your lunch; I'll be out in a moment."

Juugo frowned. "Are you sure? Because I've got a lot of body storage! I don't need to eat _all_ the time."

"I'm… sure you do. Seriously, go away and go eat lunch. I'll _be there_."

The giant sighed. "All right… if you say so…" he threw one last puppy-dog look at Sasuke, where it was super ineffective, and wobbled out the locker room slash showers on his long legs. The emo teenager grumbled as he leaned against the wall once more. He _was_ pretty hungry, and he shouldn't exactly care whether or not the jock got angry or not.

And so, with that, he started to move forward towards the door.

"Where do you think _you're_ going?"

And a wet finger was pressed into his temple. Sasuke looked sideways to see the wet finger was actually a wet finger-_gun_, and held back an overly annoyed sigh.

"I'm going to get my lunch, if you're so interested," he answered.

Suigetsu laughed. "With _that_ cast on that arm? You're hilarious. Your wallet is in your left pocket, and you'll have to hold that lunch of yours somehow, won'tcha?"

Sasuke snorted. "And what makes you so sure that I didn't bring my own lunch?"

"Did you?"

"No."

"Well all right then."

The black-haired teen grumbled in response. He almost turned around, but thought about it.

"Are you, by any chance, _naked_?"

"As the day I was born."

"Right. Thanks for warning me." Sasuke was afraid, but he felt behind himself and touched wet, smooth skin. "Is it possible for you to put on some clothes now?" he almost squeaked. Suigetsu laughed and the usual wet squelching sound was heard as he walked away.

Sasuke let out a relieved breath, and tried to tiptoe away.

_SNAP_

"Caught you again!" Suigetsu crowed, twirling his towel in his hand. Sasuke rubbed his sore ass through his jeans, marveling at the strength one towel-snap had to get him on the ass while he still wore pants.

"Why won't you let me go?!" he growled. Suigetsu shrugged on his purple sleeveless shirt and grinned.

"Because I'm dedicated!"

"_Great_. Can we leave now?"

"Sure."

And they started towards the door. They almost made it, until—

"Hey, wait!"

"What _now_, jock?!"

"What color is my hair?"

"Hmm…silvery gray with a few strands of purple mixed in."

"That'll do. Okay, let's go!"

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

"I want a salad."

Suigetsu held up a finger, ready to order. Sasuke sighed and shook his head.

"Never mind, I think I'll take a hotdog."

"One hot—"

"No no no, I want the pizza!"

"A slice of—"

"Are you kidding me, you idiotic jock? All that fat will go straight to my _thighs_."

"Really?! That's GREAT! Can you choose something now?"

"The burger."

"Can I get the bur—"

"Wait, no, I hate burgers."

"Then _what_ do you want?"

"I want a salad."

Suigetsu made choking sounds and choking motions with his hands, his sharp teeth gritting angrily.

"What was that, jocky? You're angry at me, you say? That's funny, because I feel like changing my _mind_…"

"CanIgetasaladplease?!" Suigetsu asked quickly, thrusting the money out at the bored looking lunch man.

The man rolled his eyes. "What kind of salad?" he asked in a drone tone.

"I'll take the chicken."

"He'll take the chicken."

"No, I think I'll take the Asian Mix."

"He'll take the chicken."

The lunch man took the money from Suigetsu's hand and gave him an Asian Mix salad. "Enjoy," he muttered. Suigetsu nodded stiffly and held the salad container in his hands as he walked away, an amused Sasuke in tow. The man looked after them and frowned, shaking his head.

"Fags…" he mumbled, going back to trying to freeze himself in the freezer.

The white-haired jock grumbled all the way to the table Sasuke led him to, with was already being occupied by the fag, the other fag, and the giant.

"By the way," Sasuke said as he took his lunch from the jock. "Thanks for paying."

Suigetsu blanched when he realized that he really _did_ pay. "Shit…" he muttered.

Juugo frowned at Suigetsu's lack of a lunch. "Aren't you going to eat?" he asked in a nice tone.

The football player sneered. "_'Aren't you going to eat_?'" he mimicked cruelly. "Obviously _not_, you soda bursting _freak_!"

The large teen frowned. "Hey man, I was only trying to be nice…" he replied disapprovingly.

Suigetsu glared. "Well I don't NEED you to be nice to me, okay?!"

Sai ate one of Naruto's fries. "This is getting _good_, isn't it?" he asked his friend-with-benefits/lover.

Naruto nodded and stole Sai's pizza. "I know, right?"

Juugo bared his teeth and began to growl, jumping out of his seat. Sasuke innocently put some Italian dressing on his salad, ignoring the other two.

Suigetsu sniffed. "What're you going to do, huh?" he mocked. "Step on me?"

The golden-brown haired teen clenched his fists in anger, but took a deep calming breath and sat back down. "I refuse to reach your level by choosing violence, whether verbal or physical," he finally said.

Then, he opened his lunch box with a smile.

The smile dropped as soon as he saw what was inside of it.

"_Steak_?" he growled. "Fucking _steak_?! I fucking HATE steak!"

Juugo's pupils dilated and he picked up his lunch box, chucking it across the cafeteria with a roar. It crash through the window, sending shards of glass everywhere over the nerds and geek squad that sat there innocently.

Suigetsu gave him a thumbs up. "_Nice_," he complimented. Juugo snarled in response, picking up his chair and throwing it randomly. It crash-landed on the geeks and nerds table again, hitting the wood so hard that the chair legs actually penetrated the table's surface.

Suigetsu was impressed. "Really nice," he said.

"_I FUCKING _HATE_ STEAK!!!_" Juugo roared, shaking his fist at the sky.

"Get'em!"

And he was tackled down by a blur of red, white, and black. Juugo snarled and struggled, but the attacker chopped his neck and he passed out.

The tackler got off of him and brushed off her clothes. "Another job done well!" she exclaimed, turning around. Her bright red hair fell in layers behind her back, and her glasses gleamed in the light, and her bright orange 'Hall Patrol' sash hung across her shoulder.

The jock rolled his eyes. "Uh oh, it's the Bitch Brigade!" he muttered.

The girl scowled. "And, oh look! It's the Dick Party!" she retorted.

Suigetsu snorted. "I bet you _wished_ it was."

"Why don't you ever shut up, you annoying _jock_?!"

Sasuke perked up at the sound of an insult attached to the word 'jock'. He turned around to see who was arguing with his helper and saw a girl standing over Juugo, her hands on her hips.

The girl looked at him. "What are _you_ looking at?" she demanded, immediately dissing his obviously emo appearance. And then she got a good look at his face. "Wait a minute… _Uchiha __Sasuke?_"

Sasuke looked kind of irked. "Uh, do I know you?"

The girl was excited. She plopped in the seat next to him and started talking.

"Yes, well, _not exactly_… We went to the same middle school!" she exclaimed. "I'm _Karin_! I was in Mr. Orochimaru's homeroom too, but we never talked!"

The black-haired teen looked thoughtful. "You went to Sound Middle School?" he asked.

Karin smiled. "Yeah! I saw you _every_ day!"

Suigetsu frowned. "You went to Sound Middle too? I went there!" he said. "How come I never saw you?"

"Maybe because he wasn't in Mr. Kabuto's homeroom, which means he wasn't in _any_ of your classes, dumbass!"

The jock snarled. "You want some of this, bitch?!" he growled.

Karin crossed her arms. "You don't have anything that I ever _could_ want, dick!" she replied angrily.

Sai batted Naruto's arm from under his shirt. "This is like a soap opera!"

Naruto pouted. "I'm sexier than a soap opera, so watch me instead!"

Sasuke made a sound of realization. "Oh! I _do_ remember seeing you three!"

Karin and Suigetsu looked confused. "Three?" they asked together.

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah, three. You two, and the bipolar freak on the ground."

Suigetsu scratched his head. "Huh, now _this_ is getting weird. You're saying he went too?" he asked.

"Uh huh. He was in Mr. Kaguya's homeroom, if I remember correctly."

"Wait, was he the guy who followed the man everywhere and called him by his first name, 'Kimimaru'?"

Karin grinned. "Yeah, I remember that guy! Everyone thought he was gay, which pissed him off to the point where he started getting schizophrenic and beating up people who called him shit like that while being a creepily nice guy otherwise."

Juugo sneezed.

"I heard he was sent to a loony bin, since Mr. Orochimaru finally caught on to the personality disorder thing!" Suigetsu whispered.

Karin nodded. "Yeah, and he was in there for a year until he got out!"

Sasuke nodded. "He's in my first period," he replied.

Naruto grinned, pushing Sai's hand away from the crotch of his pants.

"Now _this_ is exciting!" he said happily, ignoring Sai's disgruntled smile.

**Will the drama continue?! Is Juugo going to be okay?! Why do Suigetsu and Karin hate each other so much?! And WHY is Sasuke so fashion-conscious?! These are questions that'll actually be answered in the next chapter, FOR THE FIRST TIME!**

**END SIXTH**

Oh yes, the drama.

AU Team Snake equals FUCKING A FOR _YES_!

I also have nothing against geeks. I appreciate nerds and geeks for their skillz and for the more difficultly-earned A's on my tests.


	7. Suigetsu's Bleeding Black Heart

**Going Long**

Okay, back to stereotyping :DDDD

_

* * *

Seventh_: Suigetsu's Black Bleeding Heart 

_HONK! HONK!_

"Sasuke, Suigetsu's here!"

"And I care again, why!?"

Mikoto sighed and put a hand on her hip. "Because he's such a gentleman to take you to and from school everyday! You should appreciate him."

Sasuke looked at her as though she were insane, which she could've been. "Yeah, _no_. His car is a death-trap, woman!"

His mother smirked. "I thought you _liked_ death."

And Sasuke, for the first time in his life, stopped complaining.

In fact, when he went to the jock's car, the first he did was smile.

"Continue driving," he said cheerfully. "I promise I won't complain."

Suigetsu, who was thoroughly freaked out (because, well, Sasuke _never_ smiled), turned on his car and calmly pulled out of the Uchiha's driveway. Sasuke stared at him, as though he were waiting for something. The moment the jock stopped at the light, he turned to the emo boy.

"What?" Suigetsu cried.

"You're actually following the traffic rules," Sasuke pointed out in disappointment. "Why aren't we flying over 18 wheelers and doing figure-eights in U-turn zones?"

"Oh, my brother told me that he wasn't going to pay for my tickets anymore, so it was either shape up or walk. I don't like to walk."

"…_Damn it_." And Sasuke's plans to thwart life once more were trampled upon.

Suigetsu ignored that. "Hey, you know what?" he asked. "There's a football game this weekend, and I wanted to see if you wanted to come by."

"Hell no."

"Huh? Why?"

Sasuke flipped his bangs away from his eyes. "If you haven't noticed, I hate jocks and jock activities. This includes football, football games, football players, and balls in general."

The white-haired teen snorted, turning right at the green light. "And you act like I'm so fond of your dark, disturbed soul, fucking emo kid," he retorted.

Said 'fucking emo kid' glared at him. "I don't think this arrangement is going to work if I hate everything about you and you hate everything about me." Sasuke said.

"I agree," replied Suigetsu. "We're going to have to compromise until your arm completely heals up."

"And how are we going to do that?"

The jock tapped his chin in thought. "Well, I guess we can try to learn more about each other or some shit like that."

Sasuke thought it over. "Actually, that might be it. That way, you can stop saying things that apparently piss me the fuck off and I can insult you more effectively."

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

"Sasuke!"

"Oh shit, _get down_!" Suigetsu whispered furiously, looking behind his shoulder.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and slammed his locker closed. "Asshole, it's only Karin," he said.

The redhead stopped in front of the two boys. After smiling brightly at Sasuke, she glared in disgust at Suigetsu. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?" she asked.

"What the fuck do you _think_ I'm doing, you PMSing bitch?"

"Fuck you, jock. I wasn't trying to talk to you anyway, so go trip on a blade of grass somewhere."

"Why don't you go suck a cock somewhere while I go trip then?"

"Why don't _you_ do it first and then come back, faggot jock!"

Sasuke rubbed his temples. "Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't you both go _kill yourselves_?" he hissed. And he stalked away, ignoring the two's sputtered protests.

"No, Sass-cakes, don't leave me with the witch!"

"Sasuke, your presence is so much more rewarding than this _thing's_!"

The dark-haired seventeen-year-old turned around, glaring heatedly. "Neither of you can follow me around if you do not learn how to get along!" he snarled, and pivoted back around on his heel, standing there with his back turned to the two.

Suigetsu and Karin looked at each other, gazes boring into the other's very _soul_ angrily.

"Not possible," they chorused, looking away from each other.

Sasuke turned back around, stomping up to the two. "Why the fuck not?" he demanded. He flipped his bangs out his eyes once more. "In fact, why do you hate each other in the first place?!"

Karin shrugged. "I don't know, clash of interests, I guess."

"Something like that." Suigetsu followed up. "It's like; she's everything I hate all in one body, and vice versa."

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "Could you explain that in a little more detail?" he asked slowly.

Suigetsu gestured towards Karin's miniskirt. "I hate her clothing more than I hate anything else about her. This is because I, on one hand, love to wear large baggy pants and tight sleeveless shirts, while she, like the whore she is, enjoys miniskirts and loose long-sleeved shirts."

"So basically," the dark-haired boy surmised. "She has too much top and you have too much bottom. You hate each other for those reasons?"

"And Suigetsu's a manbitch." Karin chipped in.

"And Karin's a 10 cent whore." Suigetsu also added.

"Well, that makes hell of no sense," Sasuke responded. He snapped his fingers at Suigetsu. "Come, jock, carry my books to my next class."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," the white-haired football player groused, picking up the boy's books from the ground next to his locker. "Later, bitch."

Sasuke waved his one good hand. "See ya, Karin."

And the two walked away.

Karin snapped her fingers in defeat, and decided to take out her anger on unsuspecting hall prowlers.

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

"So, what's your favorite food?" Suigetsu asked at lunchtime.

Sasuke paid for his lunch. "Tomatoes," he said. "What's yours?"

"Water."

"…Water isn't food."

"It _isn't_?!" Suigetsu cried in outrage, bringing his bottle of water away from his lips.

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, _no_, it isn't. What have you been eating this entire time then?"

The white-haired teen looked away. "…water."

"How exactly do you _eat_ water?"

"It was ice, okay?!"

They sat down at the usual table. "Are you telling me that all you eat, everyday, is ice?" Sasuke asked slowly.

"No, sometimes I eat slushy water, when I kick at the water dispenser. Normally, though, we drink water."

"Who is 'we', exactly?"

"Me and my brother. He goes to college, though, so he usually gets to most of the water before I do."

"How ironic, I also have a brother who goes to college."

Suigetsu gulped down his water, his extremely sharp teeth exposed. "Awesome, that'll make this 'learning shit about each other' thing easier then," he said happily.

Sasuke pointed his fork at the muscular teen. "Yeah, but how exactly do we learn things about each other effectively? I'm not going to talk to you about bullshit forever, you know."

"We can always try putting ourselves in the other's shoes. That's what the principal made me do back when I use to give that geek Temujin swirlies."

The emo teen pushed his bangs out his eyes. "That actually might work, jock," he said.

"Great! I'll teach you how to play football, and you'll teach me, uh, um… you'll teach me how to do some faggy emo stuff."

"Fucking jocks," Sasuke muttered darkly. He looked back up at then indifferent football player. "I'll teach you how to dig deep into your dark soul and summon the words that surpass normal human thought of mind and write them on simple paper so profoundly that your heart will _burst_ with black blood at the feelings you never realized were burned so very deep inside of you."

"Fuck the what now?"

"I'm going to teach you how to write emo poetry, dumbass."

Suigetsu looked understanding. "Ah. That'll be _easy_. All I have to do is talk about hating myself, right?" he asked.

"NO! It is much more profound and deep than that! You must search your very _soul_ to understand the hatred that seethes in you, spreading through your limbs to become—"

"Oh would you look at that?" Suigetsu whistled, glancing at his watch. "The bell's about to ring! Looks like we'll have to cut this conversation short!"

"I haven't finished explaining the basics yet!"

"Oh yes you have, now let's go!"

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

"_Dear diary, mood: apathetic…_"

Sasuke sighed in exasperation. "No, Suigetsu!" he snapped. "You must dig deep into your gray soul, to find the darkness that lies within and RELEASE it!" He leaned his back against the bench they were sitting at in the local park, as the sun shone bright, the children played happily, and it was an all-around happy day.

The jock gave him a dirty look and erased his original line.

"Now show me some _angst_!" the emo teenager urged.

"I'll show you angst," Suigetsu muttered.

"_D is for the darkness that surrounds my soul _

_A is for the apathetic-ness that is me _

_R is for the roller-coaster of blood and destruction that is my heart _

_K is for KRAZY, KOOKY me __and maybe killing myself or some shit like that_

_N is for never gonna give in to the light _

_E is for EVIL _

_S is for sexy, which is dark and disturbing _

_and S is for SO ANGSTY_"

"The end," Suigetsu said happily.

Sasuke stared at the poem, his eye twitching slightly.

"Not bad for a beginner," he finally said, handing the jock back his composition book. "You'll get better over time."

"_Great_," Suigetsu said blandly. "Now it's my turn!"

"…Yes, it is."

"AWESOME."

_**----------GOING-LONG----------**_

"Catch, Sass-cakes!" crowed Suigetsu, who threw the football straight at the one-armed boy.

Sasuke barely caught the ball, fumbling it in his grasp. "Did you forget how I'm _half-crippled_ with this kind of thing?!" he cried.

"Not at all!" Suigetsu said, clapping his hands and holding them up. "This is training for your other arm, as it could help induce a bit of ambidexterity! Now throw it at me!"

Sasuke was kind of surprised, as the idiotic jock was actually trying to _help_ him? So, with this in mind, he leaned back, channeled all his strength into his left arm, and threw the ball as far as possible.

It fell three meters before Suigetsu.

"What kind of pussy throw was _that_?" the football player demanded. He stalked up to the ball, picked it up, and walked up to Sasuke. He put the ball back in the slightly shorter boy's hand, and jogged back to his original spot. "Really throw the ball at me this time!"

Sasuke huffed and readjusted the band on his cast, making sure his shoulder could move a little freer.

He threw the ball again.

And it landed three meters away from Sasuke.

Suigetsu looked like he wanted to laugh, but hid it badly under a mask of disappointment. "Ah, ya gotta bend yer knees to you know!" he said as he jogged back to Sasuke, picking up the ball as well.

He stood behind Sasuke and grabbed the boy's hand, actually putting the ball in his grip.

"Now, hold the ball!" he said. The dark-haired teen held it as tight as possible.

Suigetsu bent down and pushed at the backs of Sasuke's jeans, marveling at the initial tightness of the emo teenager's jeans. "Bend yer knees," he grumbled, and the teen complied. "Why're your pants so tight?"

"I couldn't walk out the house with a shirt this form-fitting and some loose pants. That's just tacky."

"Ah."

And Suigetsu stood back up, putting his hands on Sasuke's shoulders. He pulled them lightly in his direction, and the other complied.

Then he put his hands on Sasuke's hips, pushing them towards the side slowly.

"Hands gotta be over the waist," the dark-haired teen said with a final tone. "I don't care _how_ straight you say you are, no one touches my pelvic area."

"Fine, fine," Suigetsu muttered, holding his hands up. "Hands where you can see 'em, right?"

"As if I can, since you're behind me, which is suspicious enough."

"Hey emo brat, keep the homo-comments to yourself!"

"Can I throw the ball yet?" Sasuke complained. "This position kind of hurts."

"Oh yeah, hold on a minute." And he jogged back to his original spot. "Okay, now really _throw_ it!"

Sasuke took a deep breath.

And he threw the ball.

"Holy _shit_," Suigetsu whistled as the ball soared high above him.

Sasuke looked nervous. "Did I win yet?" he asked the other teen.

"Holy _shit_."

**Looks like Sasuke's got some athletic ability in him after all! But where will this lead exactly? Is Sasuke going to Suigetsu's football game? Can they actually become friends? IS KARIN GONNA HAVE TO SLAP A BITCH?! I sure hope so, cuz she's awesome :D. Find out with the next chapter!**

**END SEVENTH**

* * *

YAAAAAY SUIGETSU!

BOOOOO SASUKE!

I hate Sasuke so hard, but I need him for the awesome yaoi pairings. Like NaruSasu, SuiSasu, and ItaSasu (you can add yer own, but those are _my_ personal favorites).

Mah internetz're off, and I've gotta write shit at home, and submit shit at school. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, YO?!

Temujin is that blond gay fag guy from the second or third Naruto movie. I forget, CUZ I HATED ALL OF THEM. THEY ALL SUCKED.

Can't wait for the Shippuden movie :D


	8. Play Ball!

**Going Long**

Sasuke would make the best bachelorette party stripper ever.

_

* * *

_

Eighth – Play Ball!

"Jesus Christ, how did you learn so quickly?" Suigetsu panted as Sasuke caught the eighteenth ball in a row.

The black-haired teen shrugged. "Family trait," he replied. "Everyone knows how to copy or plagiarize shit. It's swimming in the gene pool."

The white-haired teen scratched his head, plopping on the grassy ground. "Man, what'd I do for somethin' like _that_. I just have an extremely high resistance to getting hot and sweating. I haven't broken out in a sweat since third grade, even in the summer."

"You drink all that water, dipshit. It's like you're completely _raping_ the rule of eight glasses of water per day. Whales _do_ need that water, asshole!"

Suigetsu shrugged. "Whales haven't done a damn thing for me, so I'm not inclined to do a damn thing for them," he replied, sipping at his ever-present water bottle.

Sasuke flopped his back on the ground a few feet away from his jock helper. "I guess you've got a point there…" he said. He checked his watch on his good arm. "Shit! It's seven-thirty! I've got to get back home; Queer Eye for the Depressed Guy comes on at eight."

"I can't believe I'm hanging out with such a fag…" Suigetsu grumbled as he slowly got off the ground, cracking his neck and back.

"I can't believe I hang out with such a dumbass. Guess we've always got our unreachable itches."

"Ha ha, shut the fuck up."

The dark-haired teenager just rolled his eyes and lifted himself off the ground, tossing the football back at Suigetsu and wiping the grass stains of the seat of his jeans. "Hey, weren't you saying something about a game tomorrow? Something including a bunch of men in tights tackling each other over a ball?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Geez, you don't see me making inappropriate comments about what _you_ like to do… emo-riffic fag." Suigetsu got into his car, buckling up his seatbelt and starting the ignition as soon as Sasuke followed. "Why? Do you want to come by or something? Because I totally wouldn't hate you if you did."

"I would come by, just to mock how much better I am at catching balls," Sasuke replied. "But my brother has a basketball game tomorrow too, so I don't think I'll make it."

The white-haired jock frowned. "Awww…" he whined. "Well, when is his game?"

"At nine o'clock in the evening."

"Well goddamn, the game at the school is only at twelve in the afternoon! Why can't you make it?"

Sasuke shrugged. "My dad doesn't like to stay out in public with me too long, so he only takes me one place per weekend. It just so happens that my brother's game is more important than yours. Sorry."

Suigetsu laughed. "Dude, you forget I have a car," he replied. "I can pick you up for my game and then we'll go to your brother's game. Is that fair?"

"Despite how much I'd _love_ to say no, it really is."

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow then, and please leave your little sister's wardrobe alone for tomorrow's public sighting."

"…I don't _have_ a little sister."

"Wait. All of those clothes you wear on a daily basis are _yours_?"

"Yes. Yes they are. What of it?" Sasuke threw him a dirty look.

The jock shook his head. "I'm not making any judgments man; I'm just calling them as I see them. And I see women's clothing."

"I think it's your turn to shut the fuck up."

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

"Sasuke!" Mikoto called up the stairs. "Your boyfriend is here to pick you up!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" Sasuke screamed back. "He isn't even my friend!"

Suigetsu looked at Mikoto. "Should I go up and get him down? Or do I…I dunno…stand here?" he asked cautiously.

"You can go up, I'm sure he won't mind."

And with that, the white-haired teenager slowly climbed up the stairs, dreading each step as he heard various curses and thumps from the dark teenager's room. Going up to the door, he gingerly knocked.

The door swung open. "What the fuck do you want?" Sasuke hissed, his hair mussed and chest bare.

Suigetsu pushed his way inside, taking in the emo décor of the room before turning around to the irritated teen.

"Your room is, like, ultra-gay," he commented.

"Thanks for the input, now can I finish getting dressed?"

"That's what you were doing? I thought you were crying and throwing pillows at the walls."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "What kind of wimp do you take me for?"

"A really big one."

"Shut up. But honestly, I don't cry. I haven't cried since my brother accidentally tripped down the stairs, when I was in elementary school. It was very distressing."

Suigetsu idly poked at some random band poster. "Huh, I've never cried," he responded. "There's just too much water included in it to waste randomly."

"I bet you take thirty minute pisses with all the water you drink," Sasuke muttered as he dug through his closet for a shirt.

"Forty-nine minutes, actually." Suigetsu replied, looking underneath his charge's pillows. "That's the longest I've ever gone."

"Too much information, freak," the dark-haired teen retorted, tugging on a white, form-fitting shirt. "Ah, shit, can you pull his down?" he asked, gesturing to the shirt, as his broken arm was stuck in it.

Suigetsu quickly tugged down the tight shirt, and Sasuke straightened it out curtly. "Is this acceptable enough?" he grumbled irritably.

The bigger teen gazed at him with tightly pressed lips, glancing at the loose, black cargo pants and the dark combat boots.

Then, he smiled.

"I thought you weren't going to raid your mom's wardrobe."

"I'll fucking _kill_—"

"I'm kidding!" Suigetsu replied laughingly. "You look awesome, now let's get going. And leave the makeup, your complexion is just fine without it."

"I better look awesome. I feel unnatural in these pants."

"Huh, I rather like them myself."

Sasuke glanced at Suigetsu's gray, cotton pants, which were at least three sizes too big and stayed on his hips by pure divine interference.

"Dude, you just have a fetish for loose pants."

Suigetsu chuckled, holding open the front door for Sasuke. "That, I do. Bye Mrs. U!"

"Go to hell, mother!" Sasuke called as well.

"Have fun, you two!" Mikoto shouted back. "Be back by twelve!"

"Your mom is so fuckin' awesome."

"Funny, you're the only one that thinks that."

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

It was the forth quarter, and the Fire High's Ninjas were tied for 36 with the opposing team, the Wind High School's Demons.

The Demons were an especially brutal team by themselves, prone to a lot more violence than most high school football teams.

Especially number 01, Sabaku.

"Holy _shit_!" the announcer, Inuzuka Kiba, exclaimed from his observation in the top box. "Looks like Deidara's out for the count! And look at Sabaku go! Hot damn, I think he's about to make a _first down_!"

"BOOOO!" the students and parents of Fire High shouted, gaining many cheers from the opposing squad.

Sasuke, however, just sat there.

"BOOO!" Juugo roared from his spot next to Sasuke. "YOU GUYS SUCK! Are you having fun yet, Sasuke?"

The dark-haired teen sighed. "Not really. This isn't exactly my scene."

"Oh. Well, at least show some team spirit! GO NINJAS!" he boomed once more.

"Yeah…no."

"Jesus Christ on a cotton candy stick, LOOKIT SUIGETSU GO!" Kiba shouted, catching the attention of Sasuke successfully. "Looks like he just singlehandedly caused Sabaku to _fumble_, and got the ball for himself! Go Suigetsu! We love you man!"

Sasuke smirked as the white-haired football player slid through the constantly tackling opposition with ease.

"Heh, pwnt," he muttered to himself.

"Goddamn that boy is flexible!" Kiba commented in awe. "I know _he'll_ make some lucky lady happy!"

And the smirk slid right off Sasuke's face, and he scowled.

"Fuck this," he growled, getting up. "I'll walk home."

Juugo grabbed his wrist, making Sasuke jerk back with an expression of surprise.

"What the hell, man?" he snapped.

The bronze-haired teenager looked at him sadly. "Can you stay a little longer?" he asked kindly. "There are only two minutes left in the game, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss out on it. Besides, Suigetsu would be pretty disappointed if you just up and left for no real reason."

"I couldn't give a flying fucking flapjack for what Jock-face might feel," the emo teenager retorted. He plopped back in his seat next to Juugo. "But, I guess I'll stay."

"Great! Because check out the field!"

Sabaku, who was small of stature but packed a mean tackle, was running after Suigetsu liked there was no tomorrow. The other football player, however, just held onto the ball, feinting whenever it was possible.

"Oh man, I think the Water Boy is damn near fucked over!" Kiba announced, pulling at his hair in distress. "They don't call Sabaku Gaara the Sand Demon for nothing! He's catching up like it ain't no real thing! And we were so close!"

Sasuke glanced at the clock, which glared in red numbers, **00:34**.

He faltered. "Wasn't it just two minutes?" he asked Juugo incredulously.

The giant teen shrugged. "I lied."

"Oh."

With the clock on their hells, the two players ran in spindling directions towards the touchdown, everyone's breath catching in their throats.

"Fucking shit, looks like Suigetsu might make it!" Kiba cried, leaning over the window of the box.

Then suddenly, Sabaku made a flying tackle at Suigetsu, wrapping his arms around the bigger player's legs in the process.

"Dirty move!" the brunet announcer roared. "Fuck damn it, there're only fifteen more seconds left!"

Almost in slow motion, Suigetsu began to fall, the ball still underneath his armpit and Sabaku still tightly gripping his legs.

Sasuke watched in near horror.

"You fucking _suck_," he hissed. "You can tackle me to the ground, but you can't wiggle some runt of a jock off of you? I'm almost shamed."

And then, as though he might've actually heard Sasuke's remark from his place on the field, Suigetsu slid out of Sabaku's grip in an almost liquid movement, rolling on the ground and hopping up to only toss himself at the touchdown with two seconds left in the game.

"Jumping Jesus, that guy must be made of water!" Kiba shouted. "And looks like we won the game!"

Everyone for the Ninjas jumped up and cheered and roared to their hearts desire.

Sasuke was surprised to find himself screaming with the best of them.

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

"You were great!" Juugo cried happily, holding his bulky arms out wide for a mega-ultra-hug.

Suigetsu held out a hand, gulping back a large bottle of water. "Don't touch me," he gasped. "You'll break my bones."

Sasuke shrugged. "He does have a point there."

"D'aaawww… but you were _so cool_!"

"Thanks, I guess."

"Nice job, jock," Karin muttered as she brushed her hair back. "I almost felt like cheerleading for a team you were on was worth it. But then, I saw your face. It really isn't."

"Hmmm…" Suigetsu hummed in thought. Then he dumped the rest of his industrial-sized water bottle on top of the redhead's head.

She looked horrified, dripping with water.

"What the FUCK was that?!" she shrieked.

The white-haired teen looked disappointed. "And here I was thinking you'd melt," he said.

Karin's face became red as she clenched her teeth in anger.

And then she slapped him.

"You've gone too far, _bitch_," she hissed, jabbing his chest with her index finger. "When you least expect it, I'll get you!"

"Wooo, I'm so scared." Suigetsu retorted, rubbing his injured cheek.

"I mean it!" she snarled and stalked away, muttering curses underneath her breath. Juugo followed her, throwing a look at the white-haired jock that showed disappointment.

"You are quite possibly the biggest asshole I've ever known. Even more than myself, and that's saying something." Sasuke commented.

"I know. Soooo, what'd you think of my awesome football skills?"

The emo teen shrugged. "I thought you were okay. I bet I could do better, despite my initial hatred for footballs and broken arm."

"You're on then."

"On what, exactly?"

Suigetsu poked him on the cheek, grinning. "When your arm is all healed up and working properly, we'll have a football game. In fact, we'll even have a five-on-five, where I go out and find four people and you do the same."

"Oh. Well then, I call Juugo!"

"_Shit_. I was going to do that."

Sasuke snickered. "I'm sure you were. All right, can we go to my brother's game yet?" he asked.

"Not until you accept my challenge."

"Fine, your fucking challenge is accepted. Can we please go?"

"Sure, let's ditch this joint."

**KARIN REALLY DID HAVE TO SLAP A BITCH! ALL RIGHT! But what about Sasuke's brother? And Suigetsu's brother, for that thought? And what's up with the weird dog? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!**

**END EIGHTH**

I'm so proud of you Karin. (sniffle) You're, like, really sexy _and_ cool and the same time.

I halfway play football. Not _real_ football, but more like a bunch of neighborhood boys gather together and start playing games, like fake football.


	9. Satan in a Fur Coat

**Going Long**

Ha! You dwelled on the dog!

* * *

_Ninth – Satan in a Fur Coat_

Suigetsu revved up his old car, ignoring the painful sputtering as he smiled at his charge.

"So," he started. "What college does your brother go to?"

Sasuke buckled in. "Fire University…" he answered distractedly. "It's down the street or something."

"Fire University? Dude, my _brother_ goes there."

The emo teen rolled his eyes. "So does _mine_." He scoffed. "Do you ever shut up?"

Suigetsu frowned. "I'm being serious here!" he exclaimed. "Since our brothers go to the same college, then they might know each other! In fact, they might even be _friends_."

"That is quite possibly the single most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say. Hold out your hand."

The jock looked at him oddly. "Uh…I'm _driving_," he pointed out.

Sasuke snorted. "You know and I know that you can't drive. Now hold out one of your hands!" he commanded. Suigetsu looked down, the car swerving dangerously as he took his eyes off the road. He held out a large hand, staring at Sasuke suspiciously.

Sasuke smacked the hand with his one good palm.

"Hey! What the hell was _that_?!" The white-haired teen snapped, looking incredulous.

"That was for saying stupid shit. Now can you please watch the fucking road?!"

"You made me look away!"

"I asked for your hand! Not, 'LOOK AWAY FROM THE FUCKING ROAD ON A FUCKING SURFACE STREET'!"

"Same difference!"

And they bickered like children all the way to the university, the car almost crashing into every pole or tree in the way.

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

"You shouldn't have hit my fucking hand, you fag!" Suigetsu growled as he parked the car in the parking lot in front of the basketball stadium.

Sasuke thumped his head on the dashboard. "Oh my GOD," he groaned. "I thought we stopped talking about that fifteen minutes ago!"

"You hit my hand fifteen minutes ago! I demand compensation!" Suigetsu retorted, getting out his car angrily. Sasuke did the same, but decided to walk away, ignoring the white-haired teen wholeheartedly.

The jock blinked.

"Hey!" he called, trotting up to the other boy. "Wait up for me!"

The dark-haired boy pivoted around, glaring heatedly. "If I wait up, are you going to keep talking about that godforsaken subject?" he hissed lowly.

Suigetsu smiled. "Nope."

"Then come on."

They walked to the college stadium together, although it was almost halftime and the cheerleaders were beginning to prance onto the middle court.

"Ah geez," Suigetsu muttered as they walked through the door. "We missed the first half!"

"And I'm not going to mention why. By the way, watch out for that dog."

"Dog?" the football player looked down to see a thick, fluffy, bright red tail that belonged to an equally thick, fluffy, bright red dog with pointed ears and Satanic golden eyes.

The dog looked at him, sneering.

"Did that dog just sneer at me?" Suigetsu asked slowly.

Sasuke stepped over the evil-looking dog. "He's extremely smart," he replied. "I mean it, he could probably do quantum physics if he had thumbs and wasn't such a lazy bitch. Don't look at me like that, Kyuubi. You are a lazy bitch."

The dog sniffed, insulted, and laid his head on the ground, watching the two teenagers find a seat in the front row.

"You know that dog?" the jock asked, looking over at the demonic canine. "Jesus Christ, that mutt looks evil."

Kyuubi narrowed his eyes to almost squints, his top lip curling in the baring of teeth threateningly.

Sasuke grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down so he could whisper in the bigger teen's ear. "Do _not_ insult him," he whispered fiercely. "He doesn't just _look_ evil; he's Satan in a fur coat!" He looked over at the dog, who was watching the cheerleaders critically. "He _will_ make your life a living hell with the chance!"

Suigetsu gulped. "Whose dog is it anyway?" he whispered back. "I didn't think they let animals into public stadiums like this."

"Oh, he's my brother's dog. He's allowed in for special reasons."

"What reasons?"

Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and the cheerleaders began chanting their team spirit cheer for the Fire U. team.

"Shut up," Sasuke said. "The cheerleaders are dancing."

"Dude, I thought you were _gay_."

"I hate repeating myself. Shut. UP."

Suigetsu just shrugged, leaning on a hand and watching the cheerleaders hop about.

"Are you all having fun?!" the lead cheerleader asked happily, her blue hair making her immediately eye-catching.

The crowd roared.

"I thought so!" she shouted back. "Well, since this is a mostly male audience, we're going to do something special just for you guys!"

"What?!" the crowd thundered excitedly.

"I'm gonna take off my shirt!"

And all was quiet.

The male members of the audience just looked at each other, scratching their heads and muttering under their breath.

One man stood up as a representative of the entire male audience. "Your bra too?" he asked nervously.

"Yes!"

"WOOOOOO!" the crowd shouted happily.

The lead cheerleader happily stripped herself of the top and the bra, her breasts spelling out in bold blue ink "GO CLOUDS!" on the big screen.

Team Spirit reached to the heavens at that very moment.

"Ha ha!" she chuckled, putting back on her bra and shirt. She motioned for a tall, copper-haired, calm looking pierced guy in the male cheerleading outfit to the middle court as well. "Okay ladies, we've also brought Pein, our SOLE MALE CHEERLEADER, to the front just for you all!"

"Konan, this isn't necessary." Pein said calmly. "I mean, you yourself got enough team spirit to last us the rest of the season."

"Which isn't enough, Pein!" Konan retorted. "We need it last TWO seasons! Now take off your shirt!"

The redhead frowned. "But…I don't _want_ to," he replied.

"Take off your shirt or I'll spread rumor that being a male cheerleader does mean you're gay!"

Pein looked stricken. "Why must you turn my passion into a threat?" he cried, taking off his shirt roughly. "I cheerlead for a living!"

"And everyone thinks you're gay for that." Konan said, observing his nipple and bellybutton piercings. "I work hard to keep you straight in the student's eye view, ungrateful bastard."

"Well I took off my shirt! Are you happy now!?"

"Very. What about you all, ladies?!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the females in the audience cried happily. Pein shuddered and put his shirt back on, looking down.

"Girls…" he muttered disgustedly. He looked over at Konan. "Is half-time over yet?"

"Why yes it is! And now it's time for our SUPER AWESOME basketball team to beat the living shit out of our opponents!" Konan exclaimed happily. "Come on out team!"

The home team cheerfully stepped up to the court, while the away basketball team grudgingly walked to the court as well.

"Why couldn't _we_ get cheerleaders like that?" one rival player asked sadly.

"Because our school sucks. And now we have to go against the best basketball player in the college leagues!"

"Man, we are so _screwed_."

Suigetsu looked around. "Who is this 'best player' in the leagues?" he asked Sasuke curiously. "I don't play basketball, so I don't really care about it."

Sasuke made a face. "My brother. I still have no idea why."

"Why not?"

"He's got a certain…condition."

"Oh." The jock looked for someone vaguely Sasuke-looking. "Where is your brother anyway?"

"Uh, he should be with that creepy blue-skinned guy…Ki—"

"Hey, it's my brother!" Suigetsu cried in surprise, pointing at the two players that just walked onto the court, a large blue-skinned man holding the arm of a significantly smaller black-haired man who donned black shades despite being in a building.

The emo teenager looked at him and then he looked down at his so-called "brother".

"Liar."

"No, that's really my brother!" the white-haired teen insisted. "We have the same parents and everything!"

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Then explain why you look _nothing_ alike."

"Natural selection?"

"Liar."

"Woof!" Kyuubi the Demonic Dog barked at them, as though telling the two to shut up. Suigetsu threw him a dirty look, and Kyuubi just bared his teeth.

"So, where's your brother again?" Suigetsu whispered.

"My brother is the long-haired guy your 'brother' is helping right now."

The obnoxious horn screeched for the beginning of the third quarter. Suigetsu rubbed his chin in thought.

"…Why the hell is he wearing shades?"

_Clik, clik, clik, clik_

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the excessive clicking sounds. What was that again?"

"I asked, why is he—"

_Clik, clik, clik, clik, clik_

"What the hell are you saying, jock? Spit it out!"

"I SAID why the hell—"

_Clikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclikclik_

"What the FUCK is that aggravating sound?!"

Sasuke rubbed his temples in a way of holding off an upcoming headache. "I don't even know—wait… _Itachi_," he hissed much like a snake. Suigetsu stuck a pinky in his ear, grimacing.

"Ugh," he groaned. "That sound is beginning to really piss me off." He looked over at the court, trying to identify who the sound might've been coming from. The clicks closely followed the sounds of erratic stepping, kind of like running. So when the clicks are matched with the one person's stepping in the plethora of running players, then the mystery is solved.

Suigetsu eyed Sasuke's brother. "Are those annoying clicks coming from Sunglasses-At-Night over there?" he asked irritably.

"Yes. Yes they are."

"_Why_?"

"I thought I told you already."

"No, you didn't. You keep making hints towards some condition, but I still don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

Sasuke looked at him, unbelieving. "How can you _not_ understand? The hints are everywhere!" he snapped.

"What are you _talking_ about?!"

"Hello, jock! The dog, the glasses, the clicking, the needed _assistance_! It's pretty damn obvious!"

Suigetsu gasped. "…Your brother has _cancer_?" he asked carefully.

"Oh my GOD!" the dark-haired teen hissed, making choking motions with his hand. "Since when does someone need a dog for cancer!"

"New cure?"

"Shut the hell up. Please, just shut up."

"Well there's no explanation!" the white-haired teen grumbled. "Unless he's blind or something, but it's impossible to be a blind basketball player!"

"You—"

Someone next to them shushed the two angrily. "Do you not mind?!" they growled.

"Sorry," Suigetsu replied bashfully. He turned back to Sasuke. "Now what were you saying?"

"Shut the fuck up, jock."

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

After the game, the two immediately waited in the parking lot for their respective siblings, quietly discussing a subject that pulled at both of their minds.

"So, if the dog from hell had a very big sheet of paper in front of him, do you think he'd do my homework?" Suigetsu asked curiously as they leaned on the frame of his car.

Sasuke nodded. "He scares me with his genius sometimes," he replied. "I once tried to finish my project on the human genitalia, and he gave the all the answers. In _barks_. I got a 100."

"Fuckin' A, that dog must be a ninja or something."

"Sometimes, I really think he is. His old owner wanted to be one really badly, though."

"Who was his old owner?"

"Naruto. His grandfather breeds and trains special-need dogs and he got Kyuubi as a puppy. The scariest puppy ever, by the way."

"I'm sure. So, wait, how did your brother get Fag Number One's dog?"

Sasuke punched him weakly. "Jerk." He sniffed as though insulted. "He willingly gave up the dog once Itachi's condition came into play, because he cares about people like that, you ass."

"Oh. Hey, what is your brother's condition anyway?"

Sasuke motioned towards the two figures that were walking in their direction, a four-legged animal tugging them along. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" he replied, smirking.

"All right then." Suigetsu leaned back some more and waited for the two (three?) to get to them. And once they did, his eyes widened in surprise.

"You two are…completely different."

They actually were, with Hoshigaki Kisame's large build, tattooed blue skin, blue hair, and ridiculously sharp teeth, it contrasted greatly with Uchiha Itachi's lithe build, pale skin, silky black hair, and markings underneath his eyes.

"No more than you two, kid." Kisame retorted, referencing to the fact that he and Sasuke together made an equally random pair.

The white-haired teen shrugged. "At least _my_ guy doesn't have homosexual hair."

"Dude, jock, guy," Sasuke whispered in his ear. "That's my _brother_ you're talking about."

"Oh. My bad, didn't mean that."

"Who's talking?" Itachi demanded, looking around. Suigetsu frowned, waving a hand in front of him.

"I was. You were looking _right_ at me."

Sasuke stifled a cackle, and Kisame raised an eyebrow very slowly.

Itachi turned his head towards the sound, his shades not giving anything away. "And who are you?" he asked.

"I'm Hozuki Suigetsu," the jock answered.

"Ah. I forget how much I don't care."

The dog at the star basketball player's feet wheezed a laughed, looking up at Suigetsu with evilly amused golden eyes.

"Um, okay." Suigetsu perked up. "Oh yeah, what's up with you?"

Itachi just stared. "…What?"

"There's something wrong with you right?" the younger one elaborated. "You know, with the glasses, the dog, the assistance, the clicking shoes. Are you blind or something?"

And Kisame sighed.

"Itachi, I'm sorry about my bro's dumbassery."

He roundhouse kicked Suigetsu in the jaw, sending him flying over the hood of the car. Suigetsu's body slammed into the SUV on the other side of his car, and he slid down into a slump.

Sasuke blinked. "…How did you do that?" he asked incredulously. "He's, like, bigger than me!"

"Years of practice, kid. Years of practice." Kisame wriggled his leg. Kyuubi barked in approval.

The white-haired jock slowly stood back up, flexing his jaw as though someone simply lightly punched him there. "Fuck you too," he grumbled. "I just wanted to know."

Itachi brushed Kisame's hand off his shoulder. "Yes, I am blind," he said to Suigetsu. "I appreciate your bluntness, and I'd like to apologize on Kisame's brunt behalf."

"Dude…its okay. I'm used to it."

"He really is, brother." Sasuke said.

"Shut up Sasuke. You are not forgiven."

"But—"

"_Not forgiven._ Kisame, Kyuubi, let us be going. I'm hungry."

"Woof." Kyuubi ruffed in agreement. "Woof."

"Of course we can get steak, Kyuubi. Kisame, what about you?"

"I'd like some Fish Steak."

"All right, let's go."

And the three walked off, leaving the two there, lingering in their thoughts.

"Your brother…" Suigetsu began. "…Is so fucking cool."

Sasuke just huffed, getting in the passenger seat of the car. "If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?" he muttered.

The football player got in the car as well. "…He can pass as a girl if you look at him from the right angle. Like, if you cock your head this way, he actually looks like he has small boobs." He gave an example of the head cocking.

"Just shut up and take me home."

_**--GOING-LONG—**_

"Oh Suigetsu, you are _such_ a darling!" Mikoto cooed as she gave the large seventeen-year-old a hug.

The jock smiled toothily. "D'awww… thanks Mrs. U."

"I wish you were my son as well!" she sighed dreamily. "You're helping Sasuke out so much!"

"No he's not!" Sasuke grumbled as he poured some orange juice in a cup. Then he pulled out some black food coloring from the cupboard and carefully made a cup of darkness.

Suigetsu laughed. "No, I'm not," he replied. "He's a regular bundle of sunshine himself, and I use that term loosely."

The two laughed, making Sasuke glare at them from his darkness juice.

The white-haired teen checked his watch. "Oh damn," he groaned. "I've gotta go. See you another time, Mrs. U!"

"Oh… Oh, Suigetsu!" Mikoto snapped her fingers. "How would you like to spend the night?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Sasuke asked immediately. Mikoto ignored him.

"Yes, stay the night tomorrow night! I prepare cookies and everything!"

The football player blinked.

Then he shrugged.

"Sure, I have nothing to lose by doing it."

"I hate you _so much_ Mother."

**Alright, so now we've got the deadly trio of Itachi, Kisame, and Kyuubi introduced. But wait, THERE'S MOAR?! You bet your asses there is. What did Sasuke do that offended Blind-Man Itachi so much? Is Kyuubi a villain or just a regular satanic-looking dog? Is this sleepover **_**really**_** a good idea? All in the next chapter! Maybe. **

**END NINTH**

* * *

LOL Blind!Itachi has always been my favorite plot device.

Kyuubi the dog, however, is number two on the list.

Niver, for the record, I really do love you… even if you use the letter "u" in words like humor and favorite, so don't be surprised at the contents of the next chapter.


End file.
